Trust the Universe

28 Jan

Yesterday was possibly the very worst day I have ever had in Mumma-land.

And it wasn’t that the kids were especially difficult – although Zee is teething and LD is a three and half year old demon.

It was me. I fucked up. At every turn, I made the worst possible choice. It was an epic fail.

Yesterday, I was NOT a good mother.

And the killer was that within moments of me ceasing my screaming and ranting, both my children were so willing to crawl into my lap, to cuddle me, to laugh with me.

Kids are resilient? You can’t even imagine how true that is. How scarily true. You can get away with shit that a normal person would NEVER forgive you for.

But even if my kids have instantly forgiven and forgotten, just what am I etching into their little souls when I fail to be the mother they deserve? What will it mean, long-term?

I don’t beat my children, abuse drugs or alcohol in front of them, neglect them or leave them to cry. But there are choices I have made that I would never have thought I would make.

So, it was a bad day.

That evening, my babies tucked up in their beds, I was tooling around with the blog.

I chose to read two blogs that I had never read before. Two blogs that I had noticed many times but never gotten around to reading.

Anyone who thinks the universe doesn’t provide, that the universe doesn’t send messages, just isn’t listening hard enough.

It’s actually spooky how prescient these posts were.

And how reading them meant that today was one of the best days I have ever had in Mumma-land.

Check them out below.

And have a great weekend.

Pink Dryer Lint

Becoming Sarah

 

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6 Responses to “Trust the Universe”

  1. Bron January 28, 2011 at 8:41 pm #

    I often get questioned about our parenting choices. Why don’t you just let him cry? He’s 17 months, he should be sleeping through, just don’t go into him! Don’t give him milk/drink at night! Apparently we’ve created this life.

    I think he was a week old and I was saying he’s a sensitive one. His cry is a little bit of heartbreak each time. Different child, different parenting techniques. We may not get 10 hours sleep a night, but he is happy and healthy and knows we are there for him…whats wrong with that?

    I often have days where I’m yelling and making terrible choices. At the end of the day I get a cuddle or six million and think tomorrow I’m not going to yell. I don’t and they are still little shits, but we have a much better day.

    Days/weeks/months later I’m back to the screaming banshee and we’re having another crappy day! No I don’t smack and I try not to yell! My choice!

    Love your work, because I can totally relate!!!

    • MJ January 29, 2011 at 5:09 am #

      Oh petal! I think you are your own worst critic. Undeservedly so, at that.

      The way you write about your kids? Absolute love oozes from those words. Even when they’ve got you frazzled to the extreme. No one could doubt the way you worship them.

      No matter what kind of damage you think you may have done, no matter what choices you’ve made and regret, the reality is that LD and Zee are damn lucky to have you as their mumma.

      x

      • Angie aka The Little Mumma January 29, 2011 at 9:38 am #

        Thank you, MJ. Coming from you, it is especially meaningful.

    • Angie aka The Little Mumma January 29, 2011 at 9:41 am #

      I often have days where I’m yelling and making terrible choices. At the end of the day I get a cuddle or six million and think tomorrow I’m not going to yell. I don’t and they are still little shits, but we have a much better day.

      Oh Bron, you’re so right. I have learnt that screaming and ranting makes zero improvement to their behaviour but when I choose not to scream, I have a much better day! We all do.

      Thanks so much for reading, Bron. It means the world to me. xx

  2. Robin @ pink dryer lint January 29, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Angie, why thank you so much for commenting on my post. I’m honored that you’ve shared it — and I’m delighted that it improved your day. Be blessed!

    • Angie aka The Little Mumma January 29, 2011 at 11:50 am #

      Thank you, Robin. It was a fabulous post worth sharing.

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