RMTT #16/ Friday Faves Christmas Combo!

Last night, Aunty Tor, a Family M-G fave, stopped by for a glass (or three) of Christmas cheer. We drank pink bubbles, exchanged gifts and drank more pink bubbles and then we laughed at YouTube clips of people being completely embarrassing or completely talented. It was ace.

But it meant Random Mumma Thoughts did not happen. It’s a busy time of year and maybe you didn’t even notice. But I’m choosing to believe that you did notice, that last night just wasn’t the same without RMTT.

And then, of course, today, I needed to write a Friday Faves.

Christmas Eve, huh? Yeah, I don’t have time for all this writing pressure.

So here’s my ingenious plan. I’ve rolled the two into one fabulous Christmas Combo!

Firstly, a Christmassy RMTT #16

–         Yesterday, I turned the house upside down looking for a card I had written for Aunty Tor some weeks earlier. I mean, I turned the place UPSIDE DOWN. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was so, so fucking annoyed. It had been on my writing desk, in the same spot, for WEEKS! And now, GONE! It wasn’t until I was through my first glass of pink bubbles that I started to get over my frustration. Today, I find it. I find the card sitting on top of my computer. And I just feel very strongly that I checked there. THREE TIMES. If the card had a throat, I would definitely have punched it.

–         I have not wrapped the presents yet. And B has to put up the trampoline tonight. Relaxing Christmas Eve? Sure, why not? It’ll be fun. I love wrapping presents and B is a gun at putting things together….. We may need beer.

–         The reason I haven’t wrapped the presents which I have had sitting in my cupboard since approximately August is because….I can’t remember. But tonight seems as good a time as any.

–         The reason B hasn’t put up the trampoline yet is because it’s big and I felt the kids might get suspicious about the big fucking trampoline in the back yard.

–         This Christmas, the M-Gs are celebrating with four people and four people only. That’s right. We have forsaken all others and are just doing our own little family Christmas. We love our extended families, of course we do, but holy relaxation, it’ll be nice not to have to go anywhere or see anyone.

–         Downside – I have to cook.

–         Upside – I can reserve the crunchiest roasted potatoes for myself.

–         Threatening that Santa won’t bring presents as a way of ensuring good behaviour is a dismal failure. It’s a hollow threat. I know it and my three-and-a-half-year-old sure as hell knows it. What are we going to do? Cancel Christmas? Missing out on watching the kids open the obscene amount of presents ‘Santa’ brought them would just ruin our day. But even so, we pushed the ‘No Santa’ line right up until LD’s bedtime. He was breaking new naughtiness records all day long in what can only be viewed as a big ‘FUCK YOU!’ to the fat guy but I think the Santa thing did get LD (LittleDemon) to sleep more quickly than usual.

–         Zee has been an angel and I’m tempted to give him all of LD’s presents.

–         No matter how bad my day was or how heinous my children’s behaviour has been, watching them drift into slumber just about stops my heart. It is a gift. That moment is a gift. And it never gets old.

–         I love Christmas carols. No, really, I love them. I’m listening to Sinatra sing the classics as I type.

–         I love Christmas. I really do.

–         My Christmas tree is already dead. It’s been dead for a least a week. It’s so dry the needles just crumble to dust if you touch them. What a rip.

–         I think I might buy a big fuck-off plastic tree at the Boxing Day sales.

–         What is it about Christmas and just being compelled to eat shit constantly? I am a walking box of chocolates right now.

–         And also, some chilli flavoured potato chips… 

–         The gym is closed for the next four days.

–         NOT. MY. FAULT.

And now, onto Friday Faves. And at this time of maximumly extreme consumerism, I’m not going to show you any ‘stuff’ – the last thing any of us needs is to look at more things we could possibly buy.

Instead, I want to share a favourite Christmas photo.

It’s me, circa…I don’t know, maybe 1985? It makes me laugh. And it takes me right there. Our family Christmases were epic. At least, I thought so. My parents – namely, my mum – put on an awesome Christmas show.

I would so love to recreate that magic for my own family.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Be safe and if necessary, be drunk.

The Little Mumma loves you! 

See you in a couple of days.

RMTT #15

It was either Random Mumma Thoughts Thursday or the gym. And I chose the gym. Because my arse is fat.

But I will give you one random thought.

What is with guys and only working out their upper bodies? This guy at the gym tonight had the most enormous shoulders I have ever seen and yet, the legs of an eight year-old girl. Ridiculous.

Tomorrow, I hope to write something vaguely interesting.

In the meantime, enter this competition if you want free chocolate for Christmas.

The Little Mumma loves you.

 

 

RMTT #14 – The Buried Dreams Edition

With every ounce of my being, I love these little people. I made them with the love of my life, and we made them from love, and I love them. I do. I would not trade them for all the tea in China.

But maybe that’s because I’m not a huge fan of tea…

At the moment, they absolutely define me. One is three and a half years old. The other just turned one. So life is all about them right now. It has to be. And it should be. And day to day, that fills me up.

But I have just been looking at an old friend’s Facebook page. Years back, we took some acting classes together. We clicked instantly. (No, this isn’t another story about Kat Stewart although would you believe it, she does pop up later). Time marched on, I had a couple of kids and she is still hugely proactive in building her career as an actor. As rightly she should. She is extremely talented.

So I just watched her showreel – several minutes worth of clips of her best performance work. And it was brilliant. She’s gorgeous and fabulous and talented and her reel sells her wonderfully.

I was happy for her.

As well as feeling like I had a giant emptiness in my belly, as though someone had just socked me. Even now, as I type, I feel it creeping up into my chest.

I am filled with….what? Envy? Longing? Regret? I don’t know. All of it.

I was thinking about dreams recently. Not the kind you have while sleeping but the kind that grow like a seed inside you. In my twenties, I was good to my dreams. I believed in them, I fostered them and nurtured them the best way I knew how.

Having children was also a dream of mine. One I am very happily living out. But what of the other dreams?

“Having kids doesn’t kill your dreams. It buries them alive. With a mobile phone that keeps sending you text messages – “Hey, remember me?” “I’m not dead!” “Help me – I NEED to get out!”

I wrote that down in my notebook a while back.

Not everyone feels that way. Some people were born to be a mother and in becoming so, they fulfill their greatest dream. They are content.

For me, becoming a mother is a dream come true, too.

But I am, and have always been, a person with lots of dreams. I want to do EVERYTHING.

Ticking the mother box is awesome. A blessing.

But there are still so many other boxes.

So, I was happy for my acting friend. And overwhelmed by a sense of longing to be back in that world even in some small capacity.

But dreams don’t die unless you want them to. And with acting, the truth of it is that until I am dead, that dream can continue to have the potential to be fulfilled. In fact, as I get older, the talent pool is rapidly shrinking – most people get out if they haven’t ‘made it’ by the end of their twenties. But women in their twenties are the most over-represented demographic in the acting world which means it is the most competitive age bracket in which to be attempting a career. Being in my thirties may actually benefit my acting career.

So, there ahead in the tunnel, a light.

Of course, I experience residual guilt after these ‘episodes’. My kids are little gifts from above. Little bastards, too, sometimes but gifts. Treasures. And it’s hard to reconcile the overwhelming love I have for them, the joy that goes with being their mother, with the competing desire to be someone else, too, someone separate.

There is no answer to any of this. Tomorrow, these feelings will have subsided and I will still be a mum to two of the most beautiful little boys on the planet. And my dreams will be tucked safely away in my soul, waiting for a rainy day.

In the meantime, I suggest you watch this*.  And remember the name – Elke Osadnik. She’s going to be a star.

* Kat Stewart alert!

RMTT #13 – Random Facts Edition

In the beginning, my blog was going to be about the writing. Like a self-produced short film to the actor, I thought the blog would be the ideal way to showcase my writing and get some recognition. I would write about my journey through motherhood because being a mum to very young children is all-consuming and frankly, I have forgotten the world that exists outside this little family. No, that’s not true but I am sufficiently out of touch as to be completely unqualified to talk about it – ‘it’ being anything that doesn’t involve the two little creatures I grew in my very own guts.

So, I would write about being a mum to my kids openly and honestly. I wouldn’t hesitate to reveal myself in my posts but, I thought, I would protect my kids or the other people I discussed. I’d use aliases and I wouldn’t put up photos. I was reticent to expose my kids in any way.

But then I started to read a few blogs. And some things became clear.

1. A text-exclusive  (or text-intensive) blog is heavy going for the reader
2. A text-exclusive blog that’s about a family in which the reader never gets to see the family prevents the reader from making a true connection
3. My favourite blogs are absolutely the ones whose journey is shared through a balance of well-written text and great photography

I thought about it for a while and slowly started introducing photos – firstly, of myself (with bad day hair and whatnot). And then, cautiously, my family. I still have some reservations about it but ultimately, I like my blog the way it is now. I hope you do, too.

Anyway, it got me thinking that we’ve never really been properly introduced. So, over the next few weeks, still with some caution and trepidation, I will attempt to introduce the key players. And then, maybe I’ll collate some of my findings and move it to the “About” section.

So today, on Random Mumma Thoughts Thursday, I should start with myself. Give you some random facts about me, The Little Mumma. So I have taken the liberty of giving myself a Proust Questionnaire as seen on the back page of Vanity Fair magazine each month.

Name: Angie aka The Little Mumma

The Little Mumma before she was....

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Family, luxe tropical surrounds, perhaps a cheese platter and a cheeky drop of Sav Blanc – and dancing

What is your greatest fear?

Pre-kids: my own personal safety being compromised by someone/something  Post-kids: the safety of my children being compromised by someone/something.

What is the trait you deplore most in yourself?

Procrastination. JUST DO IT.

What is the trait you deplore most in others?

Arrogance and pessimism.

Which living person do you most admire?

Naomi Watts (it’s the actor in me – she’s gutsy).

What is your greatest extravagance?

Clothes for my kids.

What is your current state of mind?

Impatient.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Purity.

On what occasion do you lie?

Daily to my kids. I call it ‘negotiating’.

What is the quality you like most in a man?

A sense of humour.

What is the quality you like most in a woman?

A sense of humour.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

The father of my children – which I think is clever of me.

When and where were you happiest?

Each time I discovered I was pregnant. Oh man, B and I were bouncing of walls.

Which talent would you most like to have?

To be able to draw/paint.

What is your most treasured possession?

My family photos.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

To be utterly alone in the world. That or grocery shopping with two small children.

What is your favourite occupation?

Actor.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My colourful language.

What do you most value in your friends?

Their willingness to go dancing with me.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?

Atticus Finch.

Who are your heroes in real life?

My mum. Mums in general.

What is it that you most dislike?

Apathy.

What is your greatest regret?

Letting fear hold me back.

How would you like to die?

Peacefully and free of disease.

What is your motto?

It’s never too late to live your best life.

Now if that was all a bit high falutin’ for you, a couple of other random facts……

1. I have webbed toes.
2. I am freakishly tall – for an eight year old.
3. My language is – and I mean really, really is – truly appalling. I can’t help myself…or don’t want to.
4. One of my major life goals is to be able to do the splits again.

And finally…..

As you may have read previously, I have started going to the gym again. I am LOVING it. So much more than I ever did when I had all the time in the world to go and wasn’t operating from under the fog of exhaustion. But I wonder if I love it too much. I know I sing out loud and smile like a crazy person. I may or may not have given a fist pump here and there while running on the treadmill. I think I might be morphing into this guy….

The weekend is almost upon us. Hurrah!

RMTT #12

Happy Thursday, peeps! It’s been a super-rainy day here which I’m actually loving after the hot days we’ve had. Where in the world has 25 degree days all year round? That’s where I want to live.

Hang on! Weather chit-chat? Oh no, not on The Little Mumma. Let’s talk randomness instead.

 

1. Accidental Thievery

We’d been shopping and things were slowly descending into madness as they are wont to do when you have two small boys in a pram. I was out of “shut them up snacks” and all other tricks had been equally exhausted. It was time to go. I hot-footed it back to the car pushing two kind of heavy kids who felt considerably heavier given the whining and really flat tyres the pram was sporting. Sooo, you can imagine my dismay at discovering that LD had acquired a book from the last store we’d been to. And I had waltzed out of the (mega chain-)store with absolutely zero knowledge of our Freddy Five Fingers discount. Serious conundrum. Finally back to the car and pram unpacking underway – could a reasonable person expect me to to go back and return the stolen goods? With two kids who were over it at least 30 minutes ago? I didn’t go back. But I do have plans to return the book at a later date. Unless I donate it to those Christmas Wishing Trees that give presents to under-privileged children. Whaddya think? Should I play accidental Robin Hood?

 

2. Things that make you go ‘hmmm’

During the infamous ‘accidental thievery’ shopping trip, Shopping Centre Santa referred to LD as ‘Princess’ – not convinced LD didn’t love it.

 

3. Hair Woes – AGAIN!

I had it cut. And for a minute, I thought it was uber-funky. Now I’m back to woe. And little bits of hair that won’t go back in my obligatory ponytail. Fucking!

 

4. Risky photo pay off

My notoriously light sleeper, Zee, had the sweetest little sleeping smoosh face and I desperately wanted to take a photo. I was just checking in on him as I headed to bed so the idea of disturbing him was underwhelming. But I did it anyway. And not a peep! But given the adorability factor of this shot, I reckon waking him would have been worth it.

 

5. The writing is on the wall…

Smashed my favourite glass for drinking coke. I think that’s called a sign.

 

6. Over Hurl

Oh my goodness, could it really be true? Has Zee finally grown out of his crazy refluxy chucking stage? No, no, I can’t talk about it for fear of the jinx. Stop. I never wrote this.

 

6. Conversations with the 3-year-old

Little Mumma: LD, please stop that. I don’t like it when you pinch my arm

LD: But Mumma, it’s not pinching. It’s the tree (indicates my arm) and it’s the dinosaur (indicates his pinching fingers)

Oh well, in that case…….

 

Random Fact: This time last year, B and I were just arriving at the hospital. Almost ten hours later, Zee came into the world. And not a moment too soon……